Exciting things have been happening at the #loveBIG Foundation. The foundation has sent kids to camp, funded youth football players, provided shelving for a youth library, funded a park bench at a local park, and connected youth with job opportunities. This is remarkable progress for a foundation in its infancy!  In order to introduce the foundation and continue our momentum, we knew we needed to work some events and create recognition.  Our daughter, Olivia, was interested in an internship for the fall semester and approached us about working for the foundation. Her pitch was that she would gain business experience, help us launch, and feel connected to her brother.  Well, why not use our intern to arrange for some event exposure? This seemed liked a win win for all. She wasted no time and soon had us booked for a booth at a local festival.  She poured into the preparations; coordinated signs, lists, marketing items, and volunteers. The big day came and I was responsible for manning the booth.  I had some help from fellow board member, Kimberly Hudson. Good thing I did! The first booth visitors posed a reasonable question, what is the #loveBIG Foundation? Those that know me, know that I am never speechless. There is a first for everything. I couldn’t form sentences, couldn’t provide a succinct message. Kimberly jumped in and was able to share our story, mission and create excitement that generated volunteer leads and shirt sales. I just stood, blinking, embarrassed and ready to make the decision that I belonged behind the scenes for the first time in my life. I have never walked away from a stage or an opportunity to voice an important, heart-felt message but that night I clearly did. As the night went on, I spoke to a few when Kimberly was occupied.  I used our board that we had assembled to introduce the foundation and essentially read or asked them to read the About Us section. By the end of the night, I was exhausted. I couldn’t fathom why, because I really had not done much but push things around the booth and visit with friends. Back in the office on Monday, Olivia was able to add to our volunteer list and database and process shirt orders. I was back in my element. Pushing paper and checking boxes. I didn’t really think more about this experience.  I bragged about my intern and moved on. Not long after, the intern came through again. Another event opportunity! Gift wrapping for a Christmas vendor fair.  Perfect! The possibility to gather shirt orders and donations for additional funding while also spreading the word about the foundation and garnering additional recognition of our mission.  Our avid supporters showed up by providing gift wrap, boxes, tape, bows, and time commitments to work in the booth. The interns friends spent many a night crafting ornaments and Christmas decorations in the hopes of exchanging them for donations to the foundation.

Unfortunately, the days leading up to the event were consumed with tragedy; from shootings in churches and college hang outs, to the tragic loss of my cousins daughter and her husband of 2 hours in a helicopter crash. I was paralyzed with grief for our country and the families effected by these horrific events. Since Jack’s death, every story of loss and tragedy now consumes me even if it isn’t personal.  It’s like a scab that almost heals and a new story is on the news or, if close to home, delivered by text or FB and I can’t help but scratch until the sore is raw again and the scab torn away. I pushed through the week by working and preparing for the event. The day arrived and as I am headed to the event with the car loaded from top to bottom it dawns on me that Kimberly won’t be there to address inquiries or randomly grab people in the crowd to tell them about the foundation. Yes, she really did that! Panic, tears, fear… I can’t breath. Siri…call Kimberly Hudson. I inquire as to her commitments for the day and finally she asks- what do you need? I explain, I’ve had a bad week. The world is in a mess and my family experienced another horrific loss and … and… it all comes tumbling out.  Y’all I talk fast normally, but I think I set a record.  I can’t fix the world or say the magical thing to help my family or tell people about the foundation. There it was. I couldn’t take it back.  She knew.

I kept going, of course, not letting her get a word in edgewise. I want to help the Jack’s of the world and I want people to know that the Jack’s of the world can help others like he did and so don’t give up on them. Jack’s story can’t be told standing at a booth for 5 minutes. It’s messy and sorted and long and all I have left of him and I can’t compact it into an elevator speech.  I don’t want people to give money because they pity me or my family. I don’t want people to hear a sentence mission statement and think that captures what we are trying to accomplish. Research shows that people have a 9 second attention span. Jack’s was less than that. How can I possibly put #loveBIG into 9 seconds and do it justice, but I don’t want people to feel like they have to listen to me and give because I am the grieving mom.

As I stopped for air, Kimberly began first aid. “…You aren’t asking for money for you or your family. You are asking for money and volunteers to help youth. You are speaking up for the Jack’s. People will stand and listen because you will talk from your heart because you can tell Jack’s messy story and what Jack was able to do for others with no resources or foundation behind him…” I had been telling those close to me that I was super sensitive to world events and loss and as Kimberly washed the scab and placed a bandaid  she reminded me that I can turn that sensitivity and loss into passion for #loveBIG Foundation. I can’t fix random gun events or helicopter crashes. I can’t go back and keep my son from falling asleep behind the wheel, but I can use the #loveBIG Foundation to share my heart and Jack’s heart and; hopefully, motivate others to #loveBIG.

I managed to work the event every hour we were open. It wasn’t comfortable, but my mantra…it’s for the youth… it’s for the Jack’s… enabled me to have conversations that were genuine and raw and possibly uncomfortable for those hearing the story, but I had a home for all that passion and I hope we will be a place were others with this type of passion can volunteer and express why we should #loveBIG. Thanks Kimberly Hudson for the triage!