February 13th – nine months. We count the family events you miss, the weekends we aren’t traveling together, the holidays, the firsts you never saw, the news we never shared with you, the hugs that hang in the air… and the list goes on. We count. We will never stop counting. In an effort to honor what we think would be your wishes to move forward and find joy, we reframed our counting early in our grief. We counted 13 things we are thankful for on the 13th of each month, the date of your death that pounds us in the face every month. We counted 13 pictures of you living to the fullest and posted those on the 13th of each month. We counted 13 acts of kindness at Christmas in your honor. Reframing helped, but the void is still there. As we searched to fill the void, we kept circling back to the stories of you sharing yourself with others. Counting those stories helped us find our joy. Frankly, it brought some guilt too as we could trace the timing of the stories to instances where we were so frustrated with you. We saw that you were late for obligations because you were just talking with a friend- couldn’t you catch up with them tomorrow? Little did we know that talking them into continuing to live this life could not be put off because we were going to be late. You were out of gas when we had just filled your tank- where was all your gas going? We know now that you were granting rides to work, home, and school to those that did not have a car or family to step up. Sure, there were times where you were rebelling and not doing what we asked for no good reason other than being 18. You made mistakes…broke rules… but now we count beyond the mess ups and count the times you showed up. We started asking …what if? What if we tried to show up every day in your honor instead of just on the 13th? What if we could make a point to relate to those that you met eye to eye to hear and support without judging on their living accommodations, clothes, or grammar. What if we could continue to help those that you helped without a blink of the eye? What if …