During my work day, the phone rang and the screen flashed one of my favorite peeps name and so, work can wait…what’s up my friend? It is very rare that I get a call from said friend during the day as she is a teacher. What followed knocked me to my knees.  You see my friend’s daughter had placed an SOS call to her mom at work because said daughters’ phone rang and her screen flashed Jack Paris as the caller.  Now my initial, irrational thought, was…why didn’t he call me? Crazy right? So after weaving the pieces together, the best we can determine is that his old number (ATT assured me they burned the number permanently) is somehow on a telemarketer randomize list and in a freak incident dialed the child of one of our dearest friends.  I’m a little jealous that she got the call.  It got me thinking…what would I tell my boy if he randomly called to check it?

 

“I LOVE YOU SON!! You were an amazing son and we are so proud of you. We are fine, but we sure miss you.  Thank you for being the hands and feet of Christ when you walked on this earth and opening our eyes and heart so we can go #loveBIG.  We started this foundation in your honor, but all you need to know is that we are going to be difference makers like you! ”

[rēfrā′ming]

changing the conceptual and/or emotional viewpoint in relation to which a situation is experienced and placing it in a different frame that fits the “facts” of a concrete situation equally well, thereby changing its entire meaning.

We know to our core that we must reframe this loss: the loss of our child…loss of a brother…loss of a nephew…loss of a grandchild…loss of a friend… loss of a student…loss of a friend…loss of a difference maker. We have done our best to reframe our counting, but we must stretch beyond that to fill this incredible void. We can’t continue to wallow in this tragedy as we know that is not what Jack Paris would want.  We know better, but flounder to determine what to do with our energy and love.  Our What If’s begin to take over our thoughts. What If we could honor Jack by following his example of showing up for people? What if we could somehow share the money and time he was willing to share? It sounds so big to us…a foundation is what this is called according to the community leaders that understand our inquiries. Too intimidating, we need time to work through this grief, so the idea goes in a box for another day.  As we put one foot in front of another, we are approached by others that knew Jack and are trying to love us through this and they bring forth this foundation idea. We acknowledge, say we have thought about it, put it back in the box.  Then smack, three different people- unknown to each other- reach out in the same week, literally unboxing this foundation idea. This loss is reframed and the #loveBIG Foundation is born.

February  13^th – nine months.  We count the family events you miss, the weekends we aren’t traveling together, the holidays, the firsts you never saw, the news we never shared with you, the hugs that hang in the air… and the list goes on. We count. We will never stop counting.  In an effort to honor what we think would be your wishes to move forward and find joy, we reframed our counting early in our grief.  We counted 13 things we are thankful for on the 13^th of each month, the date of your death that pounds us in the face every month. We counted 13 pictures of you living to the fullest and posted those on the 13^th of each month. We counted 13 acts of kindness at Christmas in your honor.  Reframing helped, but the void is still there. As we searched to fill the void, we kept circling back to the stories of you sharing yourself with others. Counting those stories helped us find our joy. Frankly, it brought some guilt too as we could trace the timing of the stories to instances where we were so frustrated with you.  We saw that you were late for obligations because you were just talking with a friend- couldn’t you catch up with them tomorrow? Little did we know that talking them into continuing to live this life could not be put off because we were going to be late. You were out of gas when we had just filled your tank- where was all your gas going? We know now that you were granting rides to work, home, and school to those that did not have a car or family to step up.  Sure, there were times where you were rebelling and not doing what we asked for no good reason other than being 18. You made mistakes…broke rules… but now we count beyond the mess ups and count the times you showed up.  We started asking …what if? What if we tried to show up every day in your honor instead of just on the 13^th? What if we could make a point to relate to those that you met eye to eye to hear and support without judging on their living accommodations, clothes, or grammar.     What if we could continue to help those that you helped without a blink of the eye?  What if …